"I've never had anyone fight for me, and I thought maybe someone would someday, maybe that's a thing I'm deserving of."
There's Always a Back Door
I have to say, I hadn't been so heartbroken about two simple lines in a single episode for a while, Gretchen's disheartened view o life and love, and Aya Cash's delivery of those lines was so spot on, painful in their dryness, they were devoid of any exaggeration and filled with disappointment and the pain of knowing that over and over again the world can prove you right in the most hurtful ways. And sometimes, being proven right is even more painful than being surprised, because it proves jaded is the right way to be, and deep down no one wants to be right that way.
Gretchen explored a lot about herself during this episode, and this is one of the good things that come from this time apart from Jimmy, by realizing why she wanted to be with someone completely unavailable. And when she started feeling bad about having sex with a married man, Lindsay encouraged her not to give a damn (of course), but I do have to say it was funny that she didn't even know how to use the word "guilt". Though when she thought he had a whole family she realized she needed to break up with him, now here is where one of the heartbreaking lines I was talking about comes in, she was considering the possibility that Boone might cry when she was breaking up with him, and he might not be okay with the breakup, but then she seems to remember no one ever fights for her, which is not really true (more on that later), but her pain was so transparent and felt so real.
But then, she goes to Boone's house and he explains Olivia is his daughter and his ex, Whitney, is actually with another man, Neil who's relationship with Boone is really funny, it was during that fight between them that I realized Boone fits right in with our weirdos. The moment Gretchen realizes it was all a misunderstanding and Boone wasn't married, you could see her hopes fall, and it was just too much for her after Jimmy, but you could tell she wanted to be surprised, to find someone with whom things are easy, so she storms away in hope he'll catch her and when she hears his door close she utters the other line that broke me, just one word "exactly", and I truly felt for her.
But then she thinks maybe she never gave anyone the chance to fight for her, so she stays there on the sidewalk smoking until he comes out to take out the trash and sees her there sitting. She explains why and he asks her to stay, they open a bottle of wine and the bonding commences, they finally seem to be okay but it wasn't nearly good enough, which is great because, at the end of the day, we all want Jimmy.
Edgar had his own painful drama during this episode, his relationship with Jimmy hass been looking for a reset button that's not coming until he decides to really do something about it or is willing to finally walk away. He listens to other men at work talk about speaking to their best friends about the deep stuff and he gets jealous because he gets nothing from Jimmy, this makes him want to take a stand, so he goes to Jimmy and convinces him to have some quality time together, but Jimmy realizes what he's trying to do and flat out tells Edgar he's not interested, which is awful because when Paul and Vernon show up he has no problem opening up.
But by then, Edgar has gone to Lindsay to complain together about how they have no one else to share their life with, because Lindsay also got some awful advice from Gretchen to be more herself at work that didn't make her co-workers like her more (it would be good advice for pretty much anyone who's not Lindsay). Now, we all know where this is going, eventually they'll realize they're good for each other and they'll start properly dating, I'm not sure how I feel about that, but for now, it's fun.
Now, back at the table, we realize Paul is a men's activist now, and for the first time, I'm okay with Lindsay stabbing him, and with that well-deserved punch he receives by the end. But the important thing here, is that we finally get Jimmy's thoughts said out loud, he tells them he's not proud of what he did and that's why he's just waiting for Gretchen to forgive him but he admits it's painful, that he's even blowing off his book release to unmask Gretchen's "charade", he wants to be home when she realizes he's there for her.
Now, how sweet is that? especially when Lindsay texts him Gretchen is breaking up with Boone and he runs home to light candles and wait for her with a drink, but we all know she decides to stay at Boone's and this is when Jimmy decides to abandon his resolve for now (my poor heart). This was Jimmy's way of fighting for her, which was probably wrong because if she doesn't know he is, it can't really reach her, but this is not the first time Jimmy has fought for her, he fought for her when she was depressed and kept pushing him away, he even managed to help her through her depression, which makes all of this a lot more painful.
"Exactly"
What do you think? I look forward to your comments.
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